Neutral or affectionate language |
Words to describe rape and violence |
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Chatted up Courted Seduced Ravished |
Tricked Intimidated Subjugated Overpowered Overwhelmed Threatened with weapons Entrapped, entrapment Deceived Cornered Threatened Ensnared Duped Conned |
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Groomed Unfortunately a legal term it is also a word that describes acts of kindness and caring such as in grooming a horse, or grooming yourself. |
Deliberately pretended good intentions with the plan to abuse, faked friendship, simulated generosity and good will, manipulated, tricked, betrayed trust, conned, deceived, breached trust, entrapped, lied, exploited, coerced, abused power. |
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Sexual contact, unwanted intercourse Intercourse means an exchange between people, also communication between people. Rape is not ‘between people’ it is not an ‘exchange’ it’s an attack from one person against another
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Raped Violated Forced his penis, his hand, his tongue into my vagina, my mouth, my anus He attacked me with his penis, his tongue, his hand, his fingers Sexual assault Degraded
Forced penetration
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Put his penis, finger, hand, fist etc. |
Forced, pushed, rammed, shoved, thrust, thrust hard and fast |
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Sodomy, buggery |
Anal rape, raped my anus, raped my ass, rammed his penis in my anus |
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Caressed, touched, rubbed, fondled |
Groped, grabbed, squeezed, palpated, tugged, pawed, scraped, mauled, manipulated the buttocks etc. pulled, yanked, wrenched, dragged his hand on my skin, handled roughly, forced physical contact, grabbed my genitals. |
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Kissed, French kiss |
Forced his tongue in my mouth, rammed his tongue in my mouth |
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From Lucky by Alice Sebold Grabbed, pinned me to the wall, ground, grip bite, push, yanked it hard, rip myself free, lunged forward, throw him off balance, making him stagger, he pounded my skull, squeezed my neck, dragged me, he tugged, he plied my breasts, squeezed them, manipulating them right down to my ribs, twisting, he pulled my underpants roughly, he threw me over the corner, he twisted the nipples, he shoved his hand into my mouth, his hand locked in my mouth, he kicked me, he shoved my head forward, he rammed it in, ripped open by violence |
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Oral sex |
Forced his mouth on my genitals |
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Masturbation of the victim |
Raped me with his fingers, his hand, fingers, or fist etc. |
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A fight To fight means to give mutual blows. Same for disagreement, dispute, argument, row, all of which describe an exchange. |
Assault, attack, aggression These words describe something one person does against another |
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Words to describe violence: Beat, hit, banged, bashed, belted, clobbered, punched, flogged, struck, pelted, thrashed, whipped, thwacked, slapped, kicked, knocked, yanked, jerked, tugged, wrenched, punched hard, pushed hard, smacked, pinched, throttled, battered, smashed, whacked, head-butted |
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Violent relationship, abusive relationship If both people are not violent but only one of them is then violent relationship is the wrong term to use If I say ‘John and Sarah have a loving relationship’ you imagine both are loving not only one of them. Same for ‘violent relationship’, it implies both people are violent to each other
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Violent man or violent woman, violent husband, or violent wife, violent partnerViolent or abusive brother, sister, father, mother, neighbour, boss etc. Name the abuser |
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Asked, requested |
Commanded, demanded, ordered, directed, imposed his will |
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Liaison |
Trap, falsehood, deception |
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An incident |
A rape, an assault, an attack, a punch etc. even better: he/she punched, attacked me etc. Describe who did what to whom |
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What happened, the incident, what took place, a rape that happenedWhen the incident took place Rape, violence, assault is not something that ‘happens’ or ‘takes place’ it is something someone does against another. So avoid terms like ‘the incident’ or ‘an attack took place’ specify who did what to whom
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What he did (describe) to whom When he attacked/raped me
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Sexual experience |
Sexual assault, rape etc. |
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Term describing violence as mutual |
Terms describing violence as unilateral As one person being violent towards another |
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Abusive relationship |
Abusive partner |
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Violent with |
Violent against, violent to, violent towards |
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A violent episode that John and Sarah had |
John assaulted Sarah |
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The dynamics of abuse |
The violent behaviour of the wife, husband, partner etc. against the other |
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Dysfunctional family |
A family victim of one of its member’s violence |
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Abusive/violent/incestuous family |
Abusive/violent/incestuous father, mother, sister, brother, uncle, grandmother etc. |
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Any others you can think of…
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Alternatives… |